You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
