Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
