He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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