dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
