I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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