Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
