As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
