your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
