I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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