Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize