there's paper in my vomit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Randomize
