my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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