oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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