it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize