her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I could fuck to npr.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
