...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
