Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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