Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
