Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize