I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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