Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
