So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
