Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
