I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
