I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
