Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
