Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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