he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
