idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
