I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
