She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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