The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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