last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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