i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
