I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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