Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
