I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize