She said her name was "party"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
