he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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