When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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