I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
