my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
