And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So. Much. Porn.
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