How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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