He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
