im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
