And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
