remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
