Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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