Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize