Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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