A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
