Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
