I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
