Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
