so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
