yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
