hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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