she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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