a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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