is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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