How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
