went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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