Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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