its not stalking. its research.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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