Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
