Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
