My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We need to rekindle our bromance
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
