So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
