I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
