I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
