I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
